Chapter 2
This chapter is most likely going to offend a few people but I think it is absolutely necessary. The main core of this chapter will jump into the reasons why bars are so filled with women of zero quality which we will coin as lemons but, after thinking about the situation so much I realized that there must be some spiritual reason for which we have arrived at this certain point. I remember reading back in my undergrad a Mexican author who truly helped me to see the exact reasons for why there was such soullessness in the way men are formed culturally. In Spanish they have a term that is called “La Hombria” which is basically translated into “Manliness”. This term has been debated and debated to its true meaning and societal implications but for the most part, and to explain it generally and simply it is what defines a man as being a man in this day in age. One could say it came from religion or just an archaical form of thought but where ever its roots lie the outcome is evident.
Men are raised to act and behave in a certain way. Some basic descriptions would be that to be a ‘man’ one has to be independent, promiscuous, a leader, strong, un emotional, analytical. On the other hand, pretty simply, a woman would be seen as the complete opposite and sadly to their own detriment to be explained later. How many times growing up I would get lauded for promiscuous conquests where if a girl did this she would be seen or labeled as a slut or whatever other derogatory saying. So many times I would think that to be considered a ‘man’ or respected in its equivalence I would have to go out time and time again to go and prove myself. So many wasted nights and pointless pursuits where I could have passed the night with just good friends, skated more, read more, studied more, etc. I fortunately started to realize that the stupid blind support of going out every night for some thing that was a waste was just depraving to my soul. I will not lie that many great stories came from this but that is all they were, good stories that made me feel less of a person. The best times came from when I was just focusing on myself and having a good time with quality people. These times didn’t always translate into an amazing story but they helped form and shape me for the better.
It took a while to realize this but after so I realized what a big hypocrite we have become as a society. Maybe it was easier for me to see since I grew up with strong women in my family but nevertheless it was a strong wake up call. Even more so to the fact that even after having this realization I would constantly be robotic and go out all the time looking for just emptiness. The realization was pretty obvious to me and I hope to you also because by realizing it my life became so much interesting and filled with a truer form of joy. I looked at the past and the present and quit analyzing women as women and men as men. I looked at both of us as just human beings who have an equal strong need to express themselves soulfully. I also started analyzing a lot of my guy friends and acquaintances and seeing how innerly sad they really were. How through their lack of emotional expression, their constant need to act like a real man was truly just destroying their own spiritual development and sadly enough just making them innerly unhappy. I am not sure if you equate this person to you or you can easily see people, friends or acquaintances in the same way but it grew more and more apparent to me as times passed.
This led me to take it further and further in my thoughts to try to understand. I questioned myself about how afraid I was to show emotional weakness in my friends. How it was so hard to really open myself up to my guy friends about my worries, fears, doubts. It was funny, I remember being friends with girls and opening up many of times but never with my buddies. I just had a fear that they would at worst just consider me as weak and not talk to me or instead of being someone who cares and empathizes or just deride me. All in all the more I looked at it the more apparent it came to be that what men hate about women is what the secretly hate about themselves. It is a bold statement that can go many ways but if you look at a man and woman as just equal human beings you can see that as human beings we all need to be able to express our selves emotionally and at points realize that it is ok to make mistakes, to not always have to be right and to be able to give compliments and share intimate moments with all humans and not be considered gay or overly sensitive. That as humans we are here to be open to each other and provide a sense of companionship. To mitigate the loneliness and share with each other regardless of being a man or a woman.
This led me to think about things a bit more, down the path of emotions. About how truly unemotional I was with my friends. Maybe on the outside it seemed this way but in all reality we were just practicing a bit of educated insolence with each other. Being witty and proud but ultimately not really letting ourselves truly just be open. Then, recognizing that it was the same with various groups of friends that I had, I realized, almost very serendipitously, how easy it was to manipulate men who were so afraid to open themselves up. It hit me very clearly in the sense of how personally impressed I would be with people who weren’t afraid to share who they were as a person or not care what other people thought because they were so confidence with their own personality and being. I would just be excited since there was just a natural ease with them and really just no need to put up a front or be on guard to not be controlled. No power struggles, no need to be vigilant but just a simple feeling of trust and honesty. Of course after thinking a bit retrospectively I wondered to myself, was this person just naturally this way or, were they just damn good social manipulators who knew exactly what to say and gain the trust of people to get what they wanted.
Naturally to be sure I had to see and understand and based on the assumption that all men and women are equal in the sense and need of self expression. I started testing this out on some acquaintances of mine and I would just open myself up just a bit to new guys I would meet. It wouldn’t be anything to blatant but in a sense lead the conversation to a point where the next step had to be a point where we were pushing the boundaries of emotion two men could properly divulge to each other. Through whatever means was appropriate I would let them know that in the eyes of society I would mold myself to meet the typical societal stereotypes but deep down I understood them and they would be free not to be judged by any standard in my presence. Bring about an aura of just trust to know that no matter what I would be there and that all of the things that they emitted to the world to define them personally, really didn’t matter to me. It was more that I attached myself to their inner being of just comfort and the sense of just being a little kid without a worry in the world. Just two friends hanging out and enjoying each other laughing and just being joyous. What I learned that it wasn’t just a ‘simple’ manipulation. I would attach myself to their inner child of self expression and the great feeling of being able to just be open and not judged. Sadly enough it is so easy to manipulate this way because there is such a yearning to be accepted, be emotional, to just relax and be one’s self regardless of the endless social pressures. The manipulation was more of an observation but it was a great insight into things and of course led to other implications.
This could lead people down so many paths of thoughts to see what other ways this weakness can be exploited but bluntly I will say that it is a strong cause for so many distraught relationships and for the most part possibly marriages. I will not quote statistics or data because I think it is apparent that there is an obvious problem with the marriages this day and age. This might also be bold and somewhat be out on a limb but I will state that through this notion that how ‘men’ should be it is a systemic problems to why men make ill conceived choices when it comes to relationships. As men are taught constantly to not be emotional they truly lack the emotional knowledge and experience to understand strong emotions when they happen. I digress only a bit when it comes to anger, men are pretty good at childishly serving out idiocy when their egos, pride or whatever sets them off. What I am referring so much to is that due to the lack of men properly understanding their emotions, letting them evolve, understanding them, finding joy in simply being more emotional with other human beings just ill prepares them to handle relationships. For example, so many people talk about love and to slightly bring back points from chapter 1, when a guy meets a girl and has a connection with a woman they finally feel safe enough to be themselves and mistake the simple feeling of just two people interacting with some obscured vision of love. I am sure you have seen this. So many times my friends disappear because they think they found something so deep and revealing. It is sad because to me love is just an emotion of complete safety and to further expand complete emotional safety. The childhood sense of security blinds people so much that although they enjoy it unbelievably, they will, even when their intuition is telling them other things, will do whatever they can to maintain it. Sadly, I think when people respond to the question of, “how did you know she is the one?” as saying, “You just know when you know” is to me the majority of the time a man just making the decision that I really don’t want to lose this feeling. Not that there is some grandiose connection that binds two souls but more just a fear of not having what they have longed for so much, that need to be just nurtured and loved.
So I will reiterate again, what men find distasteful generally in women is what the secretly, in a Freudian way, hate about themselves. To see it from a different perspective I will apply it to a perspective of chapter 1. Most men rarely question themselves when it comes to emotions. They don’t develop that part of themselves and instead just suppress these feelings and typically don’t take the time to really understand what is going on in their minds and souls. On the other hand let’s look at women. We already know that if a woman is super independent, promiscuous, emotionally void, or any of the former she is considered either a slut or feminist. Men burdened with the sense of ‘manliness’ don’t want another ‘man’ as a partner. They want the complete opposite. This to me is just horribly hypocritical but also lends help to understand the next chapter. As men are told to behave a certain way, women are told the same. They need to be emotional, submissive, feminine etc.. To me this is systemic because going to the extremes of anything is always dangerous. When women are rewarded for being submissive, too feminine, materialistic, all of which leads to just personality void people the problem just propagates. I can only ask, if you are a guy reading this, would you say that it is just damn annoying when all a girl talks about are emotions, shopping, gossip which in all honesty is the same thing that most girls talk about. Briefly I wanted to take the time to look at the extremes of both. After talking to many of my friends, colleagues and coworkers I can only say that this statement can be taken in so many different ways and to be honest there is not one correct way to look at it given the convoluted reasoning of why cultures expand in the way that they do.
On one extreme I will analyze what it takes to be a man or in the least respected as a man. First it goes into to sexual conquests. I find it so unbelievably sad that people are gauged on their ability to just sleep around. What truly does it gain? I asked myself multiple times after I would follow the ‘man’ code. Typically after I would have to deal with the girl, god forbid I was drunk when it happened so therefore now I am questioning myself about whether or not I have some STD or something far worse. Don’t get me wrong, sharing a random night with a girl can be rewarding but after spending it with a girl who has class and style there is no comparison. But yet, as a proper patron to bull shit ways I would continue. Worstly though, and maybe I am going out on a limb, but I realized what comes with the constant pursuits. I always felt emotionally and spiritually drained. Also, and I will say this with complete confidence is that the majority of the people that recognized sexual conquests as something great were as sad as can be and by always having conversations of “let’s go get some girls” I found that relationships lacking and therefore they would end typically as fast as they started. This part is definitely hard to break down. I recently had a conversation with a friend and asked him his beliefs on the matter. After discussing he came back with a conversation abridged statement saying that a man’s ability to constantly sleep and be with many girls is a sign of emotional strength. I pondered this and came to the conclusion that I can not agree with this from a spiritual perspective. I see it as a strong point that one can objectify a situation and emotionally distance themselves from it but to me it is just laced with emotional suppression that can not be healthy.
Let’s look into being unemotional and always independent and strong. That has never gotten me too far. Shit people, life is hard and being emotionally stoic all the time is just increasing the pressure until one day it just has to explode. There are many outlets but talking about things that bother a person and what are important to a person is what eases one’s life. Always acting like everything is ok and really opening up is spiritually suffocating. As guys we have to be a certain way. We have to prove our ‘manliness’ by how we treat others and how we analyze things practically always filled with logic. TO be naturally competitive to prove our alpha male status where the weak are discarded. Ok, I am an evolutionist but one thing that can not be denied is that we are all emotional beings. I was lucky growing up. I met an open minded group of friends where being judgmental was the last thing we embraced. Yeah we would bicker and talk trash to each other but we were always supportive of each other regardless of one’s beliefs, status, emotional state, etc. Maybe through that luck it was much easier for me to see how detrimental it is for one to constantly have to uphold an image of emotional stoicism. The soul can not survive without some form of expression and to be able to open oneself up is essential. A bold statement I know but I can only ask for openness on this one. There is nothing better than just getting out your fears, following a passion, getting unbelievably excited about things. On top of it, there is nothing better than knowing that the people with whom you surround yourself will embrace whatever you have to say as unique. Not to say you wont get an opinion in return but it is an opinion of a caring nature.
Now in the realm of women. I don’t think I need to spend as much time with this because it is pretty obvious. Women who constantly find pleasure in one night stands, well are not so highly respected in society. It is stupid because who says they cant enjoy the same luxuries of social freedom as men do? Not only do they get judged by men they get judged the same. I am not against it. If a woman is 100% emotional understanding of the situation then I say go for it. The worst thing I think is how some women pride themselves on the fact that they are so emotional or constantly act in a certain antiquated way to show how girly or womanly they are. But it is obvious, a girl who acts in this way, is constantly emotional, constantly over analyzing things to the point of ad nausiem. Constantly fulfilling the paradigm of having to act a certain way. A friend once told me that until first women are fully emancipated, there be any real forward progress enfranchising unenfranchised groups. Ok I agree with this but not so much in the extreme form. The first step is becoming aware. Also it is just sad that women would pin themselves as so emotional. Instead of following their pursuits of passion, self expression, and intellectual curiosity they confine themselves to the paradigm of being a woman in hopes to find a man who will comfort them for the rest of their lives. It is sad because they will only attract the same and its opposite in men.
I guess it is apparent why so many relationships fail. So many women, due to their constant need to be emotionally involved with everything(not all of course). They have by far became to emotional and dissect everything often leading to highly irrational decisions. (to be continued)
Now this leads me into my next section where I will make some rather bold assumptions but with an open mind I think there will be some understanding to them. I am, in a sense, although a feminist, going to definitely call out many women whose sense of materialism is just absolutely insidious to not just themselves but to society as a whole. I believe that these women need to be told this and if they completely base themselves in materialistic ways then be called out and told it. Maybe it is rather harsh but if a woman presents herself as spiritually void, emotional and only cares about the fickle things in life then she should be treated in that way. Obviously this goes for men too. I will analyze the bar or club scene and go on to prove through some economic modeling(could do it without but this will be more fun) why the girls at bars are worthless.
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